Sharing stories connects us. Memories are life lessons.
March 13th, 2022
You have to be stubborn. Using stubbornness to move thru life is vital.
When you think you are”losing it!”- prove to yourself that you are not. Refuse to accept any other answer. Show yourself you can move past anything. It’s not always easy but you can do it.
I had anxiety like many others. Then one day I had a panic attack while driving and almost passed out. My heart was pounding in my chest. Somehow I convinced myself to just breathe and not allow negative thoughts like” oh no I’m going to pass out and crash” take over my mind. I fought to stay in control by breathing and focusing on the fact that I was alright and I can pull over if I need to. Fought to stay rational, like a calm parent. I kept driving.
I was able to safely make it to my destination. Damn!
I sat there and could not believe what just happened. I had music going and everything was fine until it hit. Not sure what triggered it. I was on my lunch break running to the grocery store.
My overall anxiety was from stress of working a full time job, a difficult commute and raising a kid. And hormones. And money. But you go with it like everybody else, one day at the time.
It never happened again but it left a big scar in my mind. I was terrified of driving with my young son in the car. I could not help but imagine what I would do if that happens again and he’s with me and I crash the car and kill my only kid. It was scary. I was distraught. I was tired, annoyed and it took over my mind.
Every time I got behind the wheel I had that thought. Is it going to happen again? I live in a big busy city so driving is a must. Traffic is bad and drivers are careless.
I had to find ways to distract myself from fixating on that horrible thought. Music, podcasts, audio books. Conversations with my son while driving were tough. It felt like I was trying to distract myself from the inevitable thought. Singing or trying to think about dinner, a TV show worked for a little bit. But the stupid thought was always there, waiting its turn.
One day I started to feel annoyed about it. I’ve been thru a lot in my life and this is just silly. It’s stupid and it is making me suffer. I was making myself suffer and it started to anger me. I had enough.
So I made it my mission to defeat this nasty, negative, annoying thought that made me feel so scared while driving. It was just that, a thought.
I felt like I needed a better understanding of my brain, a more scientific approach. How it works and why it works the way it does. I read a bunch of really good books that helped me better understand its mechanics. It really opened my eyes.
I became really stubborn about it. If I was driving and the thought poked its head, especially when I was driving by the place it first happened, I would immediately stop it by telling NO!! NO! Not doing it anymore! I felt the stubbornness of winning over a thought I was holding on to be glorious. Freeing. Standing up to it.
I started laughing one time. How silly and easy it is for a thought to control you and change your life. If you let it. I can use that. I reminded myself that I can be very stubborn if I want to and choose to fight my thoughts and see them for what they are. Nothing!
I created these thoughts, I can destroy them.
I decided that being stubborn can work with you if you use it right.
Refusing to give up and keep going is all we can do. No matter what the issue is. Health, love, money, dreams, self improvement, whatever. Just do it.
The lake story
It was summer. I was very young and very excited to go swimming. We were going to the lake. Weekends were always busy, everyone was there so it was hard finding a place close to the water with some shade. All the good spots were taken if you got there too late.
My mom settled for a grassy patch up on the hilly side of the lake. It had a nice view but it was not close to the water.
I had to use an inflatable swimming ring . It was pink with green dots. I ran down to the water but by the time I got there the ring felt soft, like it was loosing air, so I ran back to my mom.
It had a hole in it, she tried to fix it with some tape, or a band-aid I don’t remember. I was so excited to play in the water like the other kids.
I ran back and forth so many times because the fix was not working and my ring would be half deflated by the time I got to the water. I don’t even remember if I got in at all.
What I do remember is a little girl who was determined to have a good time no matter what and smiled all the way down, every time, hoping for the best each time.
Life is simple. Keep going!